Treat?
Yeah Write Weekly Challenge #497
Prompts: The first line of the story; the above image.
“They hadn’t been known as Matty since Christmas.”
Jules was surprised by this rookie mistake.
“Excellent use of the past perfect, Pavel, but what about that personal pronoun?”
“What about it?”
“How many Mattys are there?”
“Two.”
“Look at the sentence again.”
“There are two Mattys,” Pavel insisted.
“Okay, so there are two boys called Matty, and they both changed their names after Christmas?”
“They didn’t change them, my dad changed them.”
“So...they’re your brothers?”
“No, my father brought them over from Russia. He used to call them Меtю dancing and Меtю skipping. I just called them Matty. Now they’re called Gleb and Mikhail.” Pavel shrugged. “Maybe he got tired of Matty.”
Jules was perplexed. “How come I’ve never seen them? Or heard them?”
Pavel chuckled. “They stay in their room. They don’t make any noise. Would you like to meet them?”
Pavel led Jules down a wood-paneled, barely-lit passage. He opened the door at the end. If it could be called that, the only relief from the oppressive panelling was a hideous wall hanging. It consisted of an expanded bat’s wing from whose centre extended a scaly arm, ending in a vicious claw. A cheap, plastic Jack-’o-lantern hung from the claw.
Pavel was animated. “I made that! Do you like it?”
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” answered Jules
Pavel pulled the arm downwards. The panel to which it was affixed swung open.
The light was blinding. Downlights were placed strategically to give the light a diffuse, albeit intense, quality. In the centre of the otherwise empty space stood two plinths. On one, a boy, about 10 years of age, clad in singlet, leotards, and ballet shoes, executed an arabesque; on the other, his twin was paused mid-skip.
Jules walked around the figures, speechless. Once again, he’d never seen anything like it. The attention to detail was astonishing. What material had Pavel’s father used? Two small plaques identified the boys: Gleb was the dancer; Mikhail the skipper.
“I see. Your father’s a sculptor.”
“No, he’s an embalmer.”
The transition from tutoring through the plot twist was pretty smooth, and the characters stayed firmly in voice the whole time, which can be tricky in a story wtih this much dialogue. A few things stuck out, though: as constructed, the first sentence should be "haven't" or else it should be followed by something that makes the past perfect make more sense in the context of the rest of the story. Later, the light is described as both "blinding" and "diffuse" which aren't at all the same thing; downlighted sculptures should be in a darkened room (and in fact the description works with that) so the blinding sentence seems strange- perhaps you meant that Pavel was blinded by having been in brighter lights? Finally, this isn't embalming. Embalming is merely the process of preservation: replacing the fluids, tanning the skin, etc. Replacing the internal structure with an armature and stuffing (otherwise the Brothers Matteo would have rotted), re-dressing them, and posing them is taxidermy.
ReplyDeleteSaro, thanks for taking the time to comment. I'm embarrassed that I didn't research embalming, I just assumed... That's an error that won't happen again. I take your point about the tense, too. With the light, I was trying to contrast the darkness of the passageway and the room with the display space, but you're right, "diffuse" and "blinding" aren't the same thing. These are all good points to remember for future stories. Cheers. Bob
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